What's So Funny About Fruit?
by Myuu-Foxgirl
Summary: What do you get when you combine the NWC, sexual innuendos, and a discussion about fruits, Vegetables, and ice cream? Pure hilarity! Set after the end of the series.. no Happi or Taro. Rated for perverted-ness, and my insane mind.


okay.. I was doing dishes, and I got this hilarious idea.. what if Ranma started a conversation.. about fruit? trust me, it's funnier than it sounds :D oh.. this is set some time after the end of the series. so they're all gonna be friends. sorta.. XD  
  
**_What's So Funny About Fruit?_  
**  
Ranma slid down the stair rail, flipping off the end and landing on his feet with the ease of long practice. Akane, behind him, rolled her eyes, and walked down the stairs the normal way. As she walked past him to go to the kitchen while he aimed for the dojo, she wacked the back of his head, and laughed when he yelped.  
  
"What'd you do that for?" Ranma asked, glaring half-heartedly at her.  
  
"Because I could," Akane said with a laugh. "Besides, what's the point of being married to you if I can't have a little fun now and then?"  
  
"You mean last night wasn't fun enough for you?" Ranma teased, then ducked a flying bucket Akane threw at him. "You're loosing your touch, tomboy."  
  
"Yeah, well, ever heard that pregnancy happens to change a person, jerk?" Akane asked under her breath. Ranma grinned, and wrapped his arms around her.  
  
"I was just teasing. And you know you're a tomboy, but you're my tomboy. And that's the way it's gonna be for the rest of our lives."  
  
Akane looked up at him. "You have the oddest way of making what should be an insult into an endearment, Ranma."  
  
"Yeah, and ya know ya wouldn't like it any other way," Ranma whispered in her ear. Nabiki gagged quietly as the lovebirds kissed, and then rolled her eyes. _What does she see in him, anyways?_ Nabiki wondered as they separated to go their separate ways, like they always did in the mornings. _Who knows? Not me, that's for sure. I guess it's that thing about true love.. You love everything about the other person, even their faults. And God knows those two have faults!_ She sighed. In the year since Akane and Ranma had gotten married, and explained that they'd wanted it all along, but wanted to wait until they were ready, she had asked herself the same question every morning, and gotten no closer to answering it than the first time she'd asked herself.  
  
Nabiki shook her head, and went into the kitchen for her usual cup of tea, and watched Akane cook with a wary eye. While the legendary kitchen destroyer hadn't poisoned anyone in nearly a year, Nabiki still had a hard time believing that Akane had turned into a cook with talents to rival Kasumi's. All it had taken was a few lessons from Ranma and Kasumi, and constant admonitions not to go too fast for a while, before Akane had become a good cook. Akane hummed quietly as she fixed pancakes and fried ham for breakfast, and Nabiki narrowed her eyes slightly, catching a slight difference about the way Akane moved. Nabiki opened her mouth, then closed it. _She'd tell me if she was, right?_  
  
Akane looked over at Nabiki, who was looking at her with a curious expression on her face. Akane giggled. "If you have something to ask, Nabiki, you should ask it."  
  
"You won't get angry?" Nabiki asked, curious.  
  
"Nah. Why should I? I told you to ask, so ask."  
  
"Alright." Nabiki took a sip of her tea, then looked straight at Akane. "Are you pregnant?"  
  
Akane glanced around, making sure that her father and Genma weren't nearby. "Yes, but don't tell Daddy and Uncle Genma. You know what they'd do." She rolled her eyes, and Nabiki caught on, smirking.  
  
"So you're going to keep it a secret as long as you can, hm?" Akane nodded. "I see. Does Ranma know?"  
  
"The first one I told," Akane said with a smile. "Why wouldn't I tell him, anyways? He would've seen it for himself not long after I found out, anyways."  
  
"Martial artists and..." Akane didn't catch the rest of what Nabiki mumbled, but apparently Ranma did as he walked in, because he snickered at her. Nabiki whacked his shoulder, and he grinned at her, daring her to do it again. Nabiki just sighed, and went back to her tea. Akane joined Ranma in snickering at her, and Nabiki decided that she may as well leave while she still had some dignity left.  
  
Ranma laughed again, and then walked over to Akane and leaned against the counter. "Whatcha makin' tomboy?"  
  
"Pancakes and ham. Why? You hungry?"  
  
"Don'tcha know it!" They laughed, both knowing that Ranma could eat until he was stuffed to the seams, and probably still find room for more. Somehow. "By the way, Uc-chan said the whole gang is coming over later."  
  
"Ooh, goody. She can pass judgement on the cake I made for you, then." She laughed at the look on his face. "Didn't even remember that it's your birthday, did you?"  
  
"Uhh.. Nope." He shook his head. "So how old am I again? Okay, okay..uhm.. I'm nineteen, right?" Akane nodded, giggling. "Ok. At least I know how old I am."  
  
Akane giggled. "You really are stupid, sometimes, Ranma."  
  
"Yeah, back atcha, tomboy." Ranma and Akane looked at each other, then burst out laughing. 'Life is good,' Akane thought as she playfully tried to keep Ranma from mooching too much food.  
  
--------------------  
  
Roundabout noon, the other members of the NRC started showing up, with Ukyo being predictably first. Ryoga, Shampoo, Mousse, Cologne, Kodachi, Kodachi's fiance, Anzu Ashitoku, Konatsu, Akari.. Even Kuno was there. After various differences had been sorted out, the group had become friends, although Cologne often acted as chaperone. As they settled down into their favorite spots, they started chatting about the going-ons of their lives. Ranma teased Ukyo and Konatsu, asking how the relationship was going, while Akane did the same with Ryoga and Akari. Laughter circled the room when both couple sported blushes, and then Kasumi came in with tea, Dr. Tofu trailing behind her.  
  
"It's not nice to tease them, Ranma, Akane." Kasumi said in her soft voice as she set the tea on the table.  
  
"Aw, they don't mind. Do ya guys? Besides," Ranma went on, before either couple could answer, "It's all in good fun."  
  
"Yeah, and I ain't gonna kick your butt next time we spar." Ryoga rolled his eyes, but chuckled anyways. "He's right, actually. It is all in good fun. Besides, it ain't like I didn't tease him and Akane after we got our troubles all sorted out."  
  
"Shampoo think we here to have fun, not argue," Shampoo said, leaning against Mousse. "Oh! Before Shampoo forget - memory not working well right now - Shampoo wish Ranma happy birthday!"  
  
"Thanks, Sham. Would ya guys believe me if I said I'd forgotten today was my birthday?"  
  
"You didn't!" Kodachi laughed incredulously.  
  
"Believe it, 'Dachi," Akane said, grinning. "I actually had to drop a broad hint before he remembered."  
  
"Maybe Ranma one to lose memory, instead of Akane?" Shampoo grinned.  
  
"Hey, if he lost his memory, how would he and Akane do anything?" Anzu asked, arching an eyebrow.  
  
"Oh, I don't know, there's always fruit." Akane said, and Ranma choked.  
  
"Ya don't mean what I think you mean, do ya?" Ranma asked, and Akane giggled.   
  
"Well, you do know what they say about bananas, right?" Akane answered.  
  
"Ooh, Akane right! Mousse once say Shampoo sweet as passion fruit." Shampoo smirked as Mousse blushed.  
  
"Some guys say melons are good," Anzu grinned, and Kodachi looked about ready to smack him into LEO. "But me, I prefer mangos."  
  
"I prefer apples. They fit my hands perfectly."  
  
"Cucumbers are good, too, Akane. About the same length as a banana, but wider, and they have a good taste." Ukyo added, causing Konatsu to blush.  
  
"I didn't know you were that far.." Akane said, looking between Ukyo and Konatsu. She shrugged. "Oh well. What about tomatoes? They're soft, and a little tangy."  
  
"Oh, I don't know, Akane. I think kiwis are better." Nabiki spoke up.  
  
"Hmm.. true. I like cantaloupes, too," Akane said, with a sly glance sideways at Ranma, who turned the same color of red as his shirt.  
  
"Well, watermelons are too much, you know what I mean?" Ryoga added, getting into the mood.  
  
"Yeah, bigger doesn't mean better." Mousse agreed. Cologne was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her face, and Dr. Tofu looked like he was going to explode from keeping it in, while Kasumi had long since buried her face in his shoulder so that she could laugh as much as she wanted. Outside of the living room, Genma and Soun were playing shogi, and wondering what's so funny about fruit. They looked at each other, and shrugged.  
  
"Anyone here like oranges?" Ranma asked, after laughter had died down again.  
  
"Mandarin oranges," Mousse answered immediately. "They're small, but so sweet.. Extremely juicy, too."  
  
"Heh. I go in for peaches," Ryoga said, earning him a light smack on the back of the head from Akari.  
  
"Ya mean pears aren't good?" Ranma asked, all innocent eyes.  
  
"A rose, by any other name, would smell as sweet." Kuno said, adding his first contribution.  
  
"A rose isn't a fruit, Kuno-baby." Nabiki scolded.  
  
"Ah, but you are as sweet as one, o fair Nabiki Tendo." Kuno answered.  
  
"Oh, hush, you big sweet-talker." Nabiki swatted at his head good naturedly. "Any of you ladies have a sudden craving for carrots?"  
  
Akane shook with laughter, and couldn't answer, but Ukyo, Shampoo and Akari all mentioned that carrots were sounding very good at the moment. The guys in question all blushed, then Ranma picked up a glass of water and dumped it over his head.  
  
"Yo, Akane, got a craving for cantaloupes?" She asked, grinning.  
  
"And for some sweet little plums," Akane grinned back. Waves of laughter flowed through the room as Ranma and Akane made themselves comfortable again, then quieted back down to intermittent giggles. "Hmm.. I'm running out of fruits to compare..."  
  
"Shampoo think you all too too funny!" Shampoo said, giggling the whole time.   
  
"We try," Half the room chorused in response. Then Kasumi looked up, eye shining from laughing so hard.   
  
"I don't usually do this, but I hear that squash is rather tasty." Everybody blinked, looked at somebody else, then burst out laughing.  
  
"Hah, I think ice cream is good, too.. Although I'm sure that's off topic." Ranma giggled.   
  
"Now that you mention it..." Akane looked at Ranma, eyes dancing mischievously. "I like ice cream too."  
  
"A tomboy like you would." Ranma shot back, then kissed Akane. "Not that I'm saying I ain't a tomboy, too."  
  
"What flavor of ice cream, though?" Ryoga mused, grinning at the other guys around the room.  
  
"Vanilla, with caramel and sprinkles." Mousse answered, laughing.   
  
"Cherry," Kuno supplied, which got another round of laughter.  
  
"Mint, cause it's sweet and sorta tangy at the same time," Was Ranma's answer, which earned the red-head an elbow in the stomach from Akane.  
  
"Raspberry," Akane answered. "For the same reasons Ranma likes mint."  
  
"What about you, Doc?" Ranma asked, still rubbing her side from where Akane had elbowed her.  
  
"Chocolate. Subtle and smooth, but undeniably there," Dr. Tofu answered after a minute, shrugging. _I may as well get into the mood,_ he thought with a smile.  
  
"What about you, Anzu?" Mousse asked.  
  
"Neapolitan. The best of chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla."  
  
"Chocolate chip cookie dough." Konatsu said into a lull. "Why? Cause you sort of need to dig for the best part, but once you find it, it's still there every time you come back."  
  
"Well.. I like blueberry," Ryoga finally said, answering his own question. The whole room rang with laughter, and the slightly perverted twist of the conversation got moved on to other types of food, such as okonomiyaki, tempura, stir-fry.. I wouldn't ask how, because everyone knows that when you're determined enough, **anything** can sound perverted.  
  
Later that day, after all the celebrants had left, many of them still staggering with laughter as they did so, Genma and Soun confronted Ranma and Akane.  
  
"What's so funny about fruit?" Soun asked, and looked even more confused when Ranma and Akane burst out laughing again. The young couple brushed past their parents, and got ready for bed, both of them still laughing. Once in bed, Akane picked up the glass of water that was always on the nightstand, and dumped it on Ranma.  
  
"I have a craving for cantaloupes...." Akane whispered huskily in Ranma's ear. Ranma pulled the blankets up with a giggle.   
  
"Good, cause I have a craving for sweet apples."  
  
We'll..... return when they aren't so busy....  
  
---------------------  
  
ok, I realize that some of you may not get it, but think on it for a minute. fruit, perverted suggestions. any connections? XD! I know that a lot of people are going to question my sanity.. but oh well! I already question it! rofl!! reviews are, as always, eagerly sought after :D I hope this made you all laugh!

and btw, I created Anzu. he's my chara. and I'm sure that everyone is incredibly OOC. Like I care.  
  
and don't forget, you can leave anonymous reviews!  
  
--Myuu


End file.
